Stabbed journalist remembered as a hero (My Obituary)

MONCTON - Moncton Journalist Tony Bourgeois died a hero March 5^th, the eve of his 30^th birthday. Bourgeois was stabbed to death while preventing a rape of a 14 year-old girl when walking home from The Manhattan Bar.

“He was really drunk after the ‘3 Inches of Blood’ show,” said Dennis Bertin. Bertin was a close friend and attended the concert with Bourgeois. “He decided to walk home after the show for some reason, I think he just didn’t want to pay for a cab but he mentioned something about ‘liking the stars’. I think he got hit in the head a few times during the show.”  

While walking home, Bourgeois reported spotted three men attempting assault upon a young woman.  Eyewitnesses claim Bourgeois attacked the assailants, screaming incoherently. During the altercation, Bourgeois was reportedly stabbed, leading to his death.  On scene police claim Bourgeois was protecting the young victim, screaming, “Is that all you got! I’m indestructible, bitch!”  The journalist later died from the injuries sustained during the dispute.

Bourgeois’s funeral was held in his garage.  Mourners were invited to riffle through the deceased collectables, getting an insight into the life Bourgeois led.

“We got bored one night and we all wrote down what we would like our funerals to be like,” Robby Carl, the deceased former roommate. “That’s why there’s a shot gun at the back, he always hated zombies.”

Many people lined up to pay their last respects, each mourner taking a shot of fireball on the casket as a sign of respect as they walked by. 

“Tony didn’t want us crying about him. There was actually a sign up somewhere that said ‘No Crying Allowed’,” said Tony’s oldest friend Matt Luy. “He hated when people were upset.” 

The cheers of honour rang out and the Bourgeois Band took the stage to play “A Tout Le Monde”, a cover originally performed by MegaDeth.

“He always loved super heroes and comics,” said his girlfriend Elizabeth Horgan. “He told me once if he had to choose a way to die, it would be to save someone else. His only regret would be he didn’t have a super hero costume on when it happened.”